


I'll still hold you

by Mouse (clandestineAbattoir)



Series: Emotions [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Murder, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, but its got a happy ending i p r o m i s e, past trauma, suicide ideation, this ones a sad one folks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-20 07:37:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14890328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clandestineAbattoir/pseuds/Mouse
Summary: Based on the Tumblr Prompt: Scared





	I'll still hold you

**Author's Note:**

> follow my tumblr! rainbowplaidvirgil

The shadows, laughing shadows, always laughing shadows, surrounded the poor boy. Virgil wanted to run, he really did, but whenever he tried to move his legs, they felt like he was dragging them through that vat of white stuff the Thomas use to play with in his sixth grade science class. Oobleck. That didn't matter though, what that stuff was called. He felt like he was suffocating, like he couldn’t breathe. Like those shadows, those horribly familiar, laughing shadows, were going to silence him once and for all. 

“Come on Virgil,” they beckoned, and he drew closer to them, very much against his own will. He didn’t want to go there, he didn't want to go the shadows that were cold and harsh and reminded him a little too much of home- no. That wasn’t home anymore. That wasn’t- but what if it was. What if that was still home and he had just been making up the last few years, the others didn't really accept him, Patton didn't really love him. The shadows beckoned him further in, pulling, at his body, at his heart, ripping and clawing at his heart as he suffocated. He felt like he was choking on his own blood, which was impossible. He was a dark side, had always been a dark side because _you made it all up Virgil,_ and dark sides didn't bleed, not in the way the light sides did.

As the shadows, high-pitched, distorted, giggling shadows, pulled him along, he realized where they were taking him. Back to the place where he was created, that hellhole of a bottom of a well that he had had to claw his way out of when he was first formed, out of the abyss of nonexistence, rooting his way into Thomas’s heart and instilling the anxiety that had been his whole world. It was the only thing he had known how to do, then. 

And now these shadows, twisted memories of old friends he had blocked out, were taking him back there, trying to erase him, and for one split second, Virgil thought, that maybe it would be better, to just stop existing. So he let them. He went limp, letting the shadows drag him, against the cold, rocky ground of the lair of the dark sides, to that god forsaken bottomless well. He struggled as they tried to throw them in, because, well, he was scared to not exist. His hands gripped for the lip of the well, talons extended, god, he was back in that dark side form that he had worked so long to get rid of, but his hands just, wouldn’t stick. He gripped and slipped and gripped and slipped for longer than should be humanly possible, ragged breaths coming out of his burning lungs and tears streaming down his face. He didn’t want this he didn’twanttobeforgottenhejustwantedpattonshugsandloveandlaughternadhe _hadtoholdonforpattonbuthecouldn’t-_

Virgil’s grip slipped one last time, and he fell, down, down, letting out open, broken sobs, this was it, this was how he---

Virgil awoke with a start, a loud sob escaping from his throat, a hand slamming over his mouth to quiet himself. His heart was racing, and there were still tears streaming down his face. Real tears. He-- he looked around. The room was not somewhere from the dark sides, he knew that, it was--- _it was Patton’s room._ He got his bearings, remembered where he was and why he was there (Patton wanted him there, he had started sharing a bed with Patton a while ago-) and looked over to Patton to make sure he hadn’t woken him up.

He had. Patton was sitting up, fumbling on the nightstand for his glasses. 

“Virgil, baby, what’s wrong, what happened?” he put on his glasses, and looked back at Virgil, wide eyes with concern. 

Virgil was conflicted. Tall Patton about the nightmare, and possibly concern him even more and give him the burden of providing comfort, or not tell Patton, and make him feel bad by shutting him out. 

His mouth made the decision for him, it seemed.

“I- I had a nightmare,” he squeaked out, voice cracking from crying.

Patton’s face softened, and he wrapped his arms around Virgil. 

“Oh, baby, I’m so sorry. You want to talk about it?” he asked gently. Patton was always so gentle with Virgil, it astounded him how he never seemed to get fed up of his stupid reason for having a meltdown.

“I- I-...” he looked at Patton pathetically. He would talk about it, but he didn't think he could. Not now. So he just shook his head and let out another quiet sob.

Patton, bless him, took it in stride, petting Virgil’s hair to calm him, he murmured reassurances to him. 

“I know something bad happened to you, and you keep dreaming about it. I wish you would tell me what it was, but I understand that you’re not ready to talk about it yet. And I’ll keep holding you and loving you all the while, even if you never decide to talk about it. I love you, and you’re so, so important to me. I’m never going to let you go. I love you so much.”

With Patton holding him tight in his arms, and and telling him things would be alright, he felt a little safer, a little less afraid.


End file.
